Understanding Survival Mode: What It is and Why It Happens
What It is:
You might have heard the phrase “survival mode,” and maybe you’ve even used it before to describe your current situation in life. But are we taking a moment to stop and think about what is causing us to be in this survivor mentality? Survival mode is the state our bodies, minds, and even spirits will go into to handle challenges. It’s an “ I’m just doing what I have to do to get by.” It’s staying at home on the weekends instead of going out because you can’t afford fun after paying your bills. It’s allowing your children to eat their stomachs full before you think about eating. It’s being so emotionally exhausted but still returning to a toxic work environment to keep a roof over your head. It’s being bullied throughout high school, so you hold your head down and count the days until school is out for the summer. It’s returning to life as usual after a dear loved one has passed on within the “10-day grief grace period.” Do any of these scenarios sound familiar?
We’ve grown accustomed to our bodies constantly being in a state of anxiousness, activating our fight, flight, freeze, or fawn stress response. (If you would like to learn more about the 4 stress responses, check this blog out.) We become hyperaware of our situations constantly saying to ourselves, “If you stay ready, you don’t have to get ready.” One day we hit a realization that things we used to like and do, we don’t even want to do them anymore because they either aren’t safe or will take too much energy to even try.
Why It Happens:
Trauma. Good ole’ trauma.
Let’s say there’s been a traumatic event take place and life hasn’t been the same since. You have to figure out how you will pay rent in a few days and don’t nearly have enough. Your rights to your body have been stripped away overnight. You’ve been in a public setting where there has been an active shooter and thankfully, been able to make it out alive. Hell, try watching the news, five minutes in, and your brain is already at tolerance level for the day.
Our brain has now adapted to protect us. Survival mode has become our homeostasis. We can only focus on the immediate challenges in front of us, while our emotional well-being is taking a toll. Just like any quick fix, there will always be side effects to us shifting into Survival Mode. It’s all over history and as history repeats itself is happening to our era as well. Reading off of the bottle for Survival mode some of them include physical and mental exhaustion, emotional numbing, and oh yeah, relationships (insert sinking ship noise here). Seen any of those diseases pass down generationally in your family?
What Can We Do About It?
First and foremost: You. Are. Not. In. Survival. Mode. Alone.
Build Your Support Team: As if you were curating a team for a fantasy league, do the same for the team of people you will have around you. These people need to be the ones who have your back when you can’t. These are the people who will be a listening ear when you need to vent. These are the people that will promote your business. These are the people who don’t require anything but will do anything for you because you in turn do the same for you. Reciprocity is key here. As soon as you feel like the weight is uneven, be curious and bring it up to that person. You either need to be there for them, or you need to dip out. Try to be curious first and then move as you see fit.
Mindfulness, Get Into It: Shut it down. Shut down your brain. Let your nervous system chill for a second, and with time, minutes. Find what works for you whether it be a guided meditation or sitting in complete silence. Nurture your body with the power of your breath using breathing exercises. Ground yourself by sitting with nature, practicing yoga, or bathing in sunlight. The saying “trust your gut,” has been a thing for a while now. We can’t hear our gut if our brain won’t stop yapping. Shut it down to hear your intuition within. Trusting ourselves = more confidence in ourselves and easier decision-making equals less stress equals higher happiness levels. Win-win-win-win.
Get Guidance: We were not meant to do all things alone. Think back to the time when our ancestors had to depend on one another to survive. Cancel culture has made us an individualistic group of people. Look around. Is that serving us? Yes, let’s hold people accountable. Let’s also remember to hold them accountable in love and respect. After all, hate and love have the same physiological responses. Let the professionals help. Most of us get into this field to help people because of the trauma we’ve experienced. We took 2-3 years of our lives to read endless research on how to help you. Therapy is not only the newest fad but changing people’s lives. Psychology Today is a great resource in order to find a therapist in your area. Energy healers like Reiki Master’s have learned a beautiful practice passed down from generations to realign chakras. And if you’re not into the woo-woo of therapy or energy healing (I won’t push it on you, you’ll get there eventually) find a mentor. Study with them, bounce questions off of them, learn what you can with them.
“Establish a Routine,” They Say: How many times have you heard that one? Trust me, I was one of these people who argued coming up with a routine isn’t all sunshine and rainbows. It takes money to have a routine, it takes the right mindset, and it takes free time. All things I don’t have. Folded my arms, and ended with a strong, “Hmph!” Well guess what buttercup, you wouldn't be reading this right now if you didn't feel like it’s time for you to change something in your life. Start small. Implement a time to say you love yourself every time you wake up in the morning. Take the time to make your bed to challenge yourself to try something new. Then begin to enter in the other goals and things you would like to start doing for yourself. Show yourself you show up for you. We show up to our jobs and follow that routine. Why shouldn’t you have some control of your life with your routine?
-Alyssa Rochon, MFT-Intern, Reiki Master
